


We Can Handle This

by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead



Series: Chat Fics Because They're Fun [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Next Gen, Tanaka Goshiki Hoshiumi Kyoutani and Sakusa are the top 5 aces fight me, next gen captains, next gen top 5 aces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 02:56:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15133577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead/pseuds/All_My_Characters_Are_Dead
Summary: "We Can Handle This" say the people in charge of keeping the new Top 5 Aces on track."We Hope" they add.





	We Can Handle This

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A_Sirens_Lullaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Sirens_Lullaby/gifts).



_ LiberoKing added YahaBoo, Shirabun, enNOshita, and ImSixyAndIKnowIt to We Can Handle This. _

 

**YahaBoo:** what tf is this and who tf are you 

**Shirabun:** how dumb are you

**Shirabun:** its obvious this is literal hell

**LiberoKing:** excuse you

**LiberoKing:** this is your survival strategy for the most wonderful and exasperating and rewarding and stressful time of your high school volleyball career

**Shirabun:** murdering Yahaba?

**enNOshita:** wait

**enNOshita:** Itachiyama, Shiratorizawa, Seijou, Kamomedai, and Karasuno. What do we all have in common

**YahaBoo:** we all hate shirabu

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I don’t hate Shirabu. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Even if his hair is pretty awful. Poor life choices should not automatically make someone worthy of hate. 

**enNOshita:** he likes eggplant

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** FUCK YOU AND YOUR EGGPLANT

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** FUCK YOU  _ WITH  _ YOUR EGGPLANT 

**LiberoKing:** Hoshiumi give him back his phone. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** FUCK NO HE TAKES MINE ALL THE TIME 

**Shirabun:** Eggplant is healthy and purple. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** EGGPLANT IS AN ABOMINATION

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I SHOULDVE KNOWN YOU SWANS WOULD LIKE EGGPLANT 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** SWANS ARE EVIL DEMON BIRDS THAT STEAL YOUR SOUL

**YahaBoo:** Hoshi right? You can be my favorite wing spiker now. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** No he cannot. You have your own wild wing spiker to deal with if the rumors are to be believed. 

**enNOshita:** I hate you all. I was TRYING to say that we have the top five aces on our teams. 

**LiberoKing:** that can wait let’s see what Shirabu will do when he realizes Yahaba’s ace is ranked above his. 

**Shirabun:** i will fuckin stab u plant bitch

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Komori, I thought you were one of the nice, normal ones. 

**enNOshita:** kageyama says he’s evil 

**Shirabun:** I can confirm. Anyone who smiles that much is pure evil. 

**YahaBoo:** fuk u maybe people who smile are just actually pleasant 

**YahaBoo:** you know

**YahaBoo:** the opposite of you

**enNOshita:** so do none of you care why were actually here or are you just too busy insulting each other to remember that you’re confused 

**enNOshita:** hang on the reason I’m here is stripping again I better go stop him

**Shirabun:** Karasuno is a bunch of wild animals. Just like your mangy ace, Yahaba!

**YahaBoo:** u n ur asshole team should get fukin run over by farming equipment 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** wait. Are you...switching with your overly aggressive ace? Because your typing style is all over the place. 

**YahaBoo:** fuk u featherduster u dont kno me

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** hello, Kyoutani.

**YahaBoo:** how did you know?

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Have you met Kourai? I often have to intervene on his behalf, and he also takes my phone sometimes. I can tell when two different people are typing from the same username. 

**YahaBoo:** fukin hate that gull

**LiberoKing:** neither of you has ever met Hoshi tho???

**YahaBoo:** dont gotta meet him to fukin hate him

**YahaBoo:** Kyoutani hates everyone. He isn’t a fan of humans. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I shudder to think what your bedroom activities are like. 

**YahaBoo:** thn fukin DONT 

**LiberoKing:** hey hey Shirabu

**LiberoKing:** he’s roasting Yahaba way better than you

**Shirabun:** Impossible. Shiratorizawa does everything better than anyone, including roasting vegetables. 

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** and yet your current ace is ranked fifth. 

**Shirabun:** IM A SECOND YEAR ILL BE THE BEST SOON

**LiberoKing:** Kyoomi was in the top three when he was a second year. 

**Shirabun:** PRETTY SURE SAKUSA IS A ROBOT

**Shirabun:** WHY ELSE IS HE AFRAID OF PEOPLE GETTING CLOSE TO HIM

**LiberoKing:** if the aces are just gonna keep stealing everyone’s phones why don’t we just add them?

**Shirabun:** SOUNDS GREAT LET US IN

**Shirabun:** dear god please no

**enNOshita:** what are you screaming about

**enNOshita:** oh nevermind

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I approve of this idea. That way, Kourai may stop stealing my phone. 

**LiberoKing:** cool

 

_ LiberoKing added Kyootie, HaventYouNoticed, count_on_me!, Grumpup, and ryunosugay to We Can Handle This. _

 

**HaventYouNoticed:** HEY ANGRY BEE GUY FIGHT ME

**HaventYouNoticed:** OH YEAH ALSO

 

_ HaventYouNoticed changed ImSixyAndIKnowIt’s name to HesAStar _

 

**Grumpup:** ILL DESTROY U GULL

**HaventYouNoticed:** NO YOU WONT

**HaventYouNoticed:** CAUSE YOURE

 

_ HaventYouNoticed changed Grumpup’s name to HOUSE_TRAINED _

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** fuk u asshole

**HesAStar:** I’m sorry but that would be my job. 

**HesAStar:** Hello again, Kyoutani. 

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** who th fuk r u

**HesAStar:** I’m Kourai’s boyfriend.

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** th fuk

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** r u th #6

**HesAStar:** that would be me! 

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** th fuk 

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** ur cute tho

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** y r u w/ a gull

**count_on_me!:** HI AGAIN GUYS

**ryunosugay:** GOSHIKI 

**count_on_me!:** TANAKA-SENPAI

**enNOshita:** oh no

**Shirabu:** welcome to hell

**count_on_me!:** TANAKA-SENPAI I BEAT KYOUTANI AND HIS TEAM AT TRAINING CAMP

**HOUSE_TRAINED:** fuk u swan bastard ur still ranked undr me

**ryunosugay:** GOOD FOR YOU KID WHO CARES ABOUT RANKS TAKE DOWN THE DOGWOOD 

**HesAStar:** Komori, you know what? I take it back. I would prefer Kourai stealing my phone to this. 

**LiberoKing:** you know what same

**LiberoKing:** why don’t we give the aces their own group chat

 

_ LiberoKing removed Kyootie, HaventYouNoticed, count_on_me!, HOUSE_TRAINED, and ryunosugay from We Can Handle This. _

 

**LiberoKing:** i put them in their own chat and now we can have some peace and quiet again

 

_ Shirabun changed HesAStar’s name to ImSixyAndIKnowIt _

 

**Shirabun:** there.

**Shirabun:** now its like that never even happened. 

**Yahaboo:** awesome. Lets get back to everyone hating Shirabu. 

**Shirabun:** actually i have a question. 

**Shirabun:** a serious one. 

**Shirabun:** @ImSixyAndIKnowIt Hoshiumi is very excitable, right? How do you...channel his  excitement?

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** During or after practice?

**Shirabun:** during.

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** You’re the setter, correct? 

**Shirabun:** of course.

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** You should set balls that are more difficult for him to hit. Give him a goal for each practice or week. Once he’s reached that goal or made some progress toward it, cut him off. Also, extra laps running or doing diving receives. 

**LiberoKing:** make him practice with a backup setter so you can watch him play

**LiberoKing:** trust me

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Oh? I thought we were discussing in-practice means of channeling an ace’s energy, not ways to inspire yourself to manage their leftover energy afterwards. 

**enNOshita:** please don’t be talking about what i think you’re talking about…

**YahaBoo:** wait are all of us dating our aces???

**enNOshita:** you know i’m not

**YahaBoo:** but everyone else is. Youre just dating someone else’s ace.

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Who’s ace are you dating??

**enNoshita:** why do you care

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Because I’m nosy and I want to be able to specifically say my boyfriend is better than yours.

**enNOshita:** i don’t think i want to tell you

**YahaBoo:** hey gull wrangler

**YahaBoo:** u owe me

**enNOshita:** what are you doing

**YahaBoo:** _enno_blackmail_4.png_

**enNOshita:** that is the worst picture ever

**enNOshita:** wait

**enNOshita:** when did you even take that???

**LiberoKing:** he’s pretty. Nice receive, ennoshita.

**enNOshita:** the hell makes you think i’m the one receiving anything

**Shirabun:** i don’t want to have this conversation.

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I kind of do. I’d also like to know what other blackmail you have on him just in case. 

**enNOshita:** what the shit

**YahaBoo:** why’d you have to go and point that out

**enNOshita:** YAHABA I WILL END YOU

**enNOshita:** DELETE WHATEVER YOU HAVE THIS INSTANT

**YahaBoo:** make me, crow boy

**enNOshita:** oh, you really don’t want that.

**YahaBoo:** actually i’m bored so i really do.

**enNOshita:** hey Shirabu

**Shirabun:** do you actually have something on Yahaba

**Shirabun:** because if not i will leave right now

**enNOshita:** Fun Fact: Yahaba stares straight at his boyfriend when he says thanks for the food

**YahaBoo:** what the fuck

**Shirabun:** suddenly i want to know what you have on Yahaba a lot less

**YahaBoo:** how would you even know that

**YahaBoo:** not that i’m saying you’re right

**enNOshita:** if he doesn’t get his coffee in the morning he walks right into glass doors

**Shirabun:** i take it back tell me more

**YahaBoo:** are you stalking me

**YahaBoo:** NOT THAT IT’S TRUE

**enNOshita:** he also sings to American pop songs in the shower

**Shirabun:** aaaaaaand i suddenly don’t want to know again

**YahaBoo:** ARE YOU INSANE

**YahaBoo:** HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW THAT

**YahaBoo:** DO YOU TRY TO SNEAK IN AND WATCH ME SHOWER

**enNOshita:** ew gross no one wants to see that

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Kyoutani does.

**Shirabun:** i hate you all.

**LiberoKing:** this isnt what i really had in mind but i like where its going

**Shirabun:** u would

**Shirabun:** u thrive on chaos

**LiberoKing:** you date chaos

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** Energetic doesn’t equal chaotic.

**LiberoKing:** im sorry have u MET hoshi????

**enNOshita:** anyway back to the point. Yahaba, delete any other blackmail material you have on me or I’ll share Kyoutani’s phone background with the group. 

**YahaBoo:** there’s no way you know what that is

**YahaBoo:** let alone have it to share.

**YahaBoo:** do ur worst, scavenger

**enNOshita:** you asked for it

**enNOshita:** _ yahaba_apron.png _

**YahaBoo:** HOW THE FUCK

**Shirabun:** aaaaaannnnd now im scarred for life. Im going to bed before you people scar me more.

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I think it’s cute that Kyoutani’s wallpaper is his boyfriend in a cute frilly apron. It’s sweet. Maybe I should get Kourai to wear one…

**enNOshita:** ah, regret. My old friend.

**enNOshita:** Yahaba you have until morning to delete everything. If you don’t, i WILL know. And you will PAY.

**YahaBoo:** you already used your best bargaining chip.

**enNOshita:** that’s what you think

**YahaBoo:** what else could you possibly even know

**YahaBoo:** how did you even know anything you’ve said

**YahaBoo:** hey dont ignore me

**YahaBoo:** HEY

**YahaBoo:** WHO IS UR SOURCE

**YahaBoo:** ANSWER ME

**ImSixyAndIKnowIt:** I think he may have gone offline for the night. I’m going to follow his example; I still need to call Kourai before bed. 

**LiberoKing:** ah crap yeah i need to make sure Kyoomi is going to sleep too. 

**LiberoKing:** night Yahaba.

**LiberoKing:** remember to delete that blackmail stuff so you can sleep tonight.

**YahaBoo:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE

**YahaBoo:** KOMORI

**YahaBoo:** I HATE YOU ALL

  
  



End file.
